in the 40 years that i’ve practiced the

area of domestic violence has changed

tremendously

when i first started practicing

domestic violence was really physical

abuse and nobody really paid much

attention to

things like emotional or verbal abuse or

coercive control and things like that

what frustrated me

initially was that i saw spouses who

were victims going back to their spouses

or partners all the time and i just

couldn’t understand why somebody would

put themselves back in that abuses

abusive and dysfunctional situation

so as time

went on

i understood better from a psychological

and legal perspective the whole thing of

what

it means to be a true victim of domestic

violence and the way i like to help my

clients is i bring in a mental health

professional

who supports what i have told them from

a legal perspective and explains to them

from a psychological point of view

what they’re going through so they

understand that it’s okay to be afraid

it’s okay to feel ambivalent it’s okay

to feel that you still love that spouse

and you in and if especially if you have

children there has to be some future

relationship

but you have to feel protected as well

so i work closely with these clients in

order to

get them through the court process which

is very very difficult because they’re

on the witness stand and they’re

recounting and reliving what happened to

them i’ve seen

many many

clients

and victims of domestic violence break

down

in front of the judge and you could see

it in their face reliving what they went

through

when their spouse

hit them in front of the children or

um called them horrific names in front

of the children however i think that

once they tell their story whether they

win

and and they obtain a restraining order

or they don’t

and that happened yesterday with a

client where she didn’t win i i said to

her

the fact that you stood up to your

spouse and you were strong enough to go

into court and tell your story

that makes you a stronger and a better

person

and i think it will be easier for you to

deal with your

spouse in the future and i think it’ll

be easier for you to go on

with your life and you know that’s how i

want them to feel

empowered

strong and supported