Child Custody and Visitation Attorney in Minneapolis, Minnesota
What advice do you give clients who are fighting for custody of their children?
What advice do you give clients who are fighting for custody of their children?
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the advice that i i give my clients
is to try to minimize the conflict if
you can
and i talk to them a little bit about
the social science about children who
are in conflicted parental systems
and i tell them that it is it’s hurting
your children if you put the children in
the middle of a custody fight
they’re the they’re the ones who suffer
the most and and the social science is
clear on this i’ll give you an example
say you’re at a soccer game or some
other activity of the children all right
and mom’s on one side of the field
and dad’s way over on the other extreme
side of the field and they’re they’re
watching the game
but they’re not
acknowledging each other at all they’re
not hanging out
with the group of parents that are
supporting that team
at the end of the game
that child
is going to look at one parent over here
and he’s going to look at the other
parent over there and he’s going to
wonder
if i go to the parent on my right am i
going to make the parent on my left mad
and vice versa
they’re the ones that are going to take
on this conflict that’s going on between
the parents
now the other example is
say the parents are
standing at this game
they’re not like right next to each
other although i’ve seen that happen
but they’re in the group of parents
they’re on the same side of the sideline
they’re within 20 30 feet of each other
the end of the game the child comes over
both parents go to greet the child they
congratulate him they give him a hug or
her a hug they ask him a couple
questions and then
it’s time for the parenting for the
child to go with whoever has parenting
time
after the game and off they go
now that’s the kind of relationship that
i try to influence my
clients to create with the other parent
because the social science is clear the
kids
whose parents are getting along
and behaving the way i just described
those are the kids that are going to
graduate on time they’re going to do
well in school they’re not going to be
suicidal they’re not going to have drug
use issues they have a chance
to succeed in life that’s a lot higher
than the kids in the conflicted
relationships and that that’s just a
fact
Minneapolis, MN family law attorney Michael Fink shares the advice he gives clients who are fighting for custody of their children. He advises his clients to minimize conflict whenever possible. He explains that the social science is clear: children in high-conflict parental situations suffer the most. He often illustrates this with a simple example.
Imagine a child at a soccer game. One parent stands on one side of the field, the other parent on the opposite side, and neither acknowledges the other or interacts with the group of parents supporting the team. By the end of the game, the child sees the parents as divided and wonders, “If I go to my parent on the right, will I upset the parent on the left?” The child internalizes the conflict between the parents, which can create long-term emotional stress.
Conversely, if the parents are within the same group of parents on the sideline—perhaps 20 or 30 feet apart—they interact respectfully, congratulate the child after the game, give a hug, ask a few questions, and then allow the child to leave with the parent who has parenting time, it creates a far healthier environment.
He emphasizes to clients that fostering this kind of cooperative, civil relationship benefits the child immensely. Research shows that children whose parents can maintain this kind of relationship are more likely to graduate on time, succeed academically, avoid substance abuse, and have a higher chance of overall life success compared with children caught in ongoing parental conflict.
