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The advice that I find myself giving most frequently to clients who have children and are involved in either a divorce where there’s a dispute over custody, or whether, you know, even if they were never married but they are not in agreement over, you know, custody. And parenting is not to disparage the other parent to the children, and not to try to persuade that child to be allied with you. I often tell my clients, I mean I was very young when my parents were divorced, and I didn’t know why they got divorced until I was an adult. That’s sort of an ideal, and that’s not possible for everybody, but you really have to put your kids first, you know? You think you’re hurting the other person by saying, you know, either disparaging things about their other parent, or telling them details about the divorce. And you may be hurting the other person, but who you’re really hurting is your child, and that’s something that I frequently caution my clients against doing.
Hingham, MA family law attorney Kimberley Keyes shares her most common advice to clients. She explains that one of the most frequent pieces of advice she gives to clients with children—whether they are divorcing or were never married but disagree on custody—is to avoid disparaging the other parent in front of the children or attempting to align the child against the other parent. She emphasizes that parents must put their children’s well-being first.
While it may feel like negative remarks about the other parent are directed at the adult, the real harm falls on the child. Sharing disparaging comments or details about the divorce places children in a painful and conflicted position. She often cautions clients that even if they believe they are undermining the other parent, what they are actually doing is causing emotional harm to their child. Her consistent guidance is to prioritize the child’s stability and emotional health above conflict with the other parent.
