trends in the area of custody it
it’s really fascinating because over the
arc of my 25 years in this practice
there’s been such a monumental shift in
how
parenting schedules are formulated
when i started working there was the
presumption that the mother was going to
be the primary custodial parent
the father would have weekend time what
we would call the disney dad you came in
you took your kids out you played with
them it was fun
the kids came home on a sugar high with
balloons and presents and that was the
dad’s time and we called it visitation
because it was just this one glorious
visit
and then as the years progressed
and
the alternate parent traditionally the
father but the alternate parent became
more engaged and wanted to be more
immersed in the children’s lives then
the weekend time expanded and became
more grounded in
not only visiting with the children but
becoming involved in their lives doing
school projects with them taking them to
sports taking them to gymnastics or
dance getting involved in their
activities getting involved in their
friendships and that also came with time
during the week first dinners and then
overnights so that the alternate parent
became very enmeshed in the children’s
lives and that progressed in terms of
thought
to where we are now
where a lot of judges will tell you on
day one that they walk into any case
involving children with the presumption
that the parties can have if they choose
and they have the ability to schedule it
Parenting
50 50 parenting there’s absolutely going
to be weekend time there’s absolutely
going to be time during the week and
because that is now the presumption
the trend that i’m starting to see in
custody
in custody cases
is creativity
parents don’t have to fight for time
anymore it’s not about
quantity at this point it’s become about
quality
parents will look at the children and
say
which one of us is parents are better
with homework
which one of us has more time during the
weekend to be flexible with
transportation
i’m starting to see instead of the very
traditional and rigid
alternate weekend and time during the
week
a lot of families now won’t do alternate
weekends they may give one parent all or
a disproportionate share of weekend time
because that parent is free to do more
things with the children during the
weekends i might see the other parent be
happy to take on more time during the
week because they’re better with
homework or they’re more available for
doctors
appointments
so i’m seeing that creativity because
the
foundational approach has become so much
more concrete you don’t have to fight
for those hours anymore and now that
there’s this certainty
that the time will be distributed fairly
parents can distribute that time in a
way that’s far more oriented to the
children’s personalities
and to their strengths as parents as
opposed to the old-fashioned every other
weekend and let’s check off wednesday
night as our overnight during the week
One on One
i’m also seeing
as another trend and this is one i
really really like and i
i present it to clients but i really
appreciate it when it comes from a
client to me
sometimes splitting up the children
to get some one in one time
so again the traditional approach was
you always get the children as a group
but now i’m seeing and again i believe
it’s because
there’s more certainty in the
foundational schedule that you’re going
to have time with your children both
parents
will have signifi if not significant
meaningful time with their children and
once there’s an assurance of that and
you look at the children and say now
what will benefit them
sometimes what benefits children is
splitting them up
and father will have one-on-one time
with one child or maybe
two of three children who are closer in
age so you get to service those
children’s interests instead of having a
group of children climbing over you
because they want your attention in that
moment because time with parents are
always split
post-divorce so to a child
every moment
with either parent becomes so much more
precious because by the nature of
divorce
that time has been lessened but when you
can manage to create some one-on-one
time there’s no
frenetic nature of i must take
you can slow it down you can have a
conversation if you have a child who’s
older than younger siblings you can do
more age-appropriate things if you have
one child who’s engaged in a practice
and you can take the other child out for
ice cream and leave the other parent
just to do pick up and drop off
that’s what i’m seeing now this focus on
children as individuals the quality of
time over the quantity of time has
become a very welcome and creative new
trend in custody