You know, the most rewarding area of practice, I think, is when the jury says, “Not guilty,” and that’s why we that are in this area do it, and it is just such a dramatic and an emotional moment that it’s hard for me to describe.

When I was a prosecutor, I – the first three or four cases I tried, I lost two or three of ’em, and I thought, “Oh my God, there’s something wrong with me,” and some judges helped me out and said, “No, you’re doing a good job. That was just a stupid case,” or, “You’re doing a good job. The case wasn’t that serious and the jury wasn’t paying attention.”

But I worried, and so I knew what it was like to lose a case, and eventually, as I got into very serious cases that I was prosecuting – sexual assault, murders, very scary robberies with weapons – I dreaded the verdict. I didn’t want to hear “Not guilty.” I was gonna just figuratively jump out the window if it came. And then I would hear, “Guilty,” and instead of a corresponding feeling of elation, I just felt sort of flat. I felt like I had been cheated, and I felt, “If it’s so miserable to lose, why isn’t it better to win?” And I think that’s because of my makeup as a human being. I don’t feel comfortable reveling in other peoples’ misery, and we really shouldn’t. It’s not a good thing to gloat in someone else’s misfortune, whether you’re on the golf course or in a courtroom.

And so when I switched, when I went over to doing defense work, I realized I dreaded each one of those verdicts, and just in the way that it’s really impossible to describe. I’m sure it was worse on my client, but it was tough on me, and when I would hear, “Not guilty,” okay, it may not be exactly a corresponding feeling of elation to the misery that would have flowed from the wrong verdict, but it was still a better deal. I could feel a lot happier and a lot more relief and a lot better feeling, and so the greatest feeling that we can have, as criminal defense lawyers, is to have that moment of anticipation, that moment of sheer terror, not knowing for sure that you are going to win the case that you are convinced you should win, and your client’s entire life hangs in the balance, and then to hear the words, “Not guilty,” and then to have your client hug you and cry and thank you for what you did for him and his family and have the entire family thank you, it’s overwhelmingly rewarding, but it doesn’t happen every day. And sometimes, it doesn’t happen every year, ’cause the older I get, the fewer cases I try. I’ve had cases where I’ve tried 14 and 15 cases in a year, and I’ve had a few years where you don’t try a single case, but lately, at this point in my career, I try 2 or 3 cases. So it’d be nice to have more moments like that.

With everything, with me, there’s sort of a postscript. The moments that should be just as exciting, and in fact, more exciting, are when I can tell somebody, “Good news. I talked to the federal prosecutor. They’re closing the file. You are not going to be charged with a crime.” It should be just as rewarding. It tends not to be ’cause it’s not so dramatic.

People are very appreciative, they’re very thankful, it is a great day any time you get that kinda news, but there are other good days in the practice of law when a client knew darn well they might end up getting five or ten years and they got only three, and so it’s hard to celebrate, “Well, great news. You’re going to prison for three years,” but at the end of the day, I have many days that are rewarding to me in the practice of law, but any day that I can say I’ve helped somebody, I’ve done something for somebody, even if it’s just finding out a little information that informs them better or finding out a little information that lowers the anxiety level, those are good days, and that’s why I do what I do.