How am I supposed to amicably resolve my divorce if my husband is a narcissist?
Stillwater family law attorney, Matt Ludt, reflects on how to deal with ex-spouses with personality disorders.
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You can’t. In most times, you can’t. In situations where narcissism is deeply imbedded in one of the parties, we find that they can’t be reasoned with, that they’re always right, that you’re always wrong, that it has to be their way, and anything that’s wrong is your fault. When you’re trying to get a divorce from a narcissist, it’s – we try to get what agreements we can on what issues. We try to stipulate to particular facts, and then, otherwise, we try to get a temporary order that’ll govern the party so that there’s as little conflict as possible while the divorce is pending and otherwise set the matter on for trial as soon as possible. A lot of times these narcissistic cases require trial, because you end up having to have a judge that’s gonna resolve things because the narcissist can’t be reasoned with, and sometimes you can’t even incentivize them to settle on financial terms. But, fortunately, in my experience, judges see through it pretty quickly and recognize when someone has just got a head that’s too big for themselves, and they’re able to set forth orders that really go a long way towards protecting the spouse that wants to divorce the narcissist.